using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
