just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
