Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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