you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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