why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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