I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
