I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
