Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
