well I can't set my house on fire every night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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