Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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