I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
someone owes me an orgasm
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
