He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
