If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
