I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize