THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
