Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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