I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Two words: blizzard sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
