Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
