I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
