I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
