I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
