dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
