He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
