The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
