When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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