Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
