we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
