Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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