Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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