i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
