omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
