Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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