I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
