i just had sex bonerless
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
