I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
