The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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