I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
