I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was confusing and full of hummus
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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