My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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