if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
