He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
