You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I met the friendliest cop last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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