Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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