I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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