As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
