I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You made out with two different species that night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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