you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
