how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
