I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
