I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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