someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
