hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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