i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
