Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
