Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
