I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
