My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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